2K15: The Summer of Shiloh

Over the past several months I've had the priveledge of being able to spend a majority of my husband's deployment with family. 

May 23rd, 2015: Shiloh was about a month and a half. we flew from Virginia to Witchita Falls, TX to visit with my husband's parents for a week. and my my it was amazing. to introduce his dad and his brother to their granddaughter/niece...

and then in very early June, we hopped on yet another flight from Texas to Spokane, WA. there we were greeted by my parents and spend several weeks introducing her to the entire family:

June 23rd, Shiloh and I hopped on yet ANOTHER plane, down to San Diego, CA. where we met up with my dad for a second time after our brief visit in Spokane, and spent several days with him before his retirement ceremony. and then we watched her grandpa bring is 32-year-long navy career to a close.

 

We spent the next week with her great grandmother in Los Angeles, CA while my dad and sister moved all of his stuff back up to Spokane with my mom and even met up with a dear friend from Instagram! We absolutely loved meeting up with Hillary (@theycallmethewanderer) and Mikah! and even got to spend some time at the zoo with the girls!

then on July 15th we headed back up to Spokane to reunite with my parents and younger sister Claire. we had a family photo session with my moms side of the family, and we even got some great candids of Shiloh with family members ❤️

Then we made an adventure out of the last several days and drove up to our 40 acres of property in the mountains near Anaconda, Montana and "roughed it" which included camping in my grandparent's Volkswagen camper van and living without everyday amenities 

and now we're spending a few days up at the lake house shared between my moms side of the family as well as my dads in Priest Lake, Idaho!

pretty soon Shiloh and I will be hopping on yet ANOTHER flight back to Witchita Falls, Texas to spend another two weeks with my husband's parents and family. and then we will be arriving back home in Virginia Beach, VA on September 1st at 10pm!

from there, we'll spend the last couple months of deployment at home setting up the house and preparing for my husband's arrival home. 

So as the summer winds down and comes to a close, Shiloh and I want to take a moment to thank every single one of you who follow our journey, through my  transition to motherhood and survival of a 9 month deployment, for supporting and encouraging us in these tough times! we really do owe it to you all who have been not only loyal supporters since day one, but also to those who have recently discovered our story.

To you, we are eternally grateful!

xoxo,

Courtney + Shiloh

I Chose to be Bigger than Myself.

as I'm sitting up late at night thinking to myself about the past couple weeks. I reflect on a lot of decisions I've made in the past. 

first off, let me start off by saying that I am not writing this blog post in order to get a "oh Courtney you're so humble, you have such a good heart". if I wanted to do that I would have just posted it flat out on Instagram instead of sending you guys through the hassle of clicking on more links than necessary in order to get here.

this blog post is being written simply for my own reflection, and if others happen to want to read it that's fine by me. 

I did a couple things over the past three days I thought I would never do.

1. I was cordial to someone on Instagram that I had a small altercation with in the recent past, and even went as far as to try and apologize for things I had said that came off in a threatening manner.

2. I apologized to one of my best friends for being a bitch when I shouldn't have been.

and lastly

3. I decided not only to better myself through clean eating and working out, but I've also taken someone in that I never would have agreed to in the past. 

and let me just say, making decisions like this have opened up my heart to so much gratitude for the world around me as well as taking huge weights off of my shoulders. I can't wait for what the future holds for me. and I'm excited to share with people my journey and the places it leads me to.

Nobody's Perfect: Including Me

tonight I was laying in bed watching Shiloh sleep, and I decided... I'm going to come forward about something very personal and a very tender subject for me.

I keep my composure for the most part. who I am on social media is a completely different persona than who I am in person. luckily, I've made good friends like Tiffany (@kissestomybabes) who understand that and still choose to be a part of my life, and for that I am grateful.

on social media, I am a happy, positive, uplifting, strong mom dealing with the ups and downs of a very busy and very lonely life at home while my amazing husband is off fighting the bad forces that threaten the U.S.

but in real life, I am a scared, lonely, lost little girl trying to get a stable grasp on motherhood and keeping a structure to my crazy household. I have a terrible social anxiety, panic attacks, and small bouts of depression and heartache. the only single event I can point to and see as being the reason for all of this is my sophomore year of high school.

I was getting decent grades, had a great group of friends, was involved in multiple extracurriculars including: a school wide talent/musical show and flag team for marching band. and then I met a senior who turned my world completely upside down... I had fallen head over heels for a boy who promised me the world and gave me nothing but heartbreak and struck fear into my heart.

he once invited me to a party with a bunch of older kids in our school he threw at his house. there was alcohol (something I had never been accustomed to before) and encouraged me to believe it was okay to drink excessively. that night he went against my will and took advantage of me along with one of his other friends after I was passed the point of drunk. the next morning I woke up to them shoving their phones in my face and discovering that they had recorded the whole thing.

because of this traumatic event in my life, I have I guess a form of PTSD. I have these spells where I'll wake up in a panic and night terrors plague my sleep. I'll wake up in fits of rage and sadness sometimes. and I developed a major anxiety disorder. crowds, men, and darkness strike fear inside me and give me panic attacks almost every other day. I may look calm and collected on the outside, but on the inside my thoughts and heart are racing. because of this, I often only hangout with one person at a time, and tend to make excuses why I can't hang out with a group of people.

no, I can't help the way my mind works after the way my sophomore year went, and it's not something I can just ignore. I'm lucky my husband understands. for the longest time I would wake up in spells and frights gripping his arm or  pushing him away (not realizing its him and not the boy who attacked me). 

I haven't told many people about my anxiety disorder and I do a damn good job of hiding it. but I'm realizing that keeping it all pent up is doing more harm than good. I need to somehow come to terms with it and learn to trust people again. 

the only reason why I haven't completely fallen apart, is because every single time I look at Shiloh, this overwhelming sense of calmness and serenity falls over me and I suddenly feel like I'm floating in the clouds away from all my earthly problems and fears. and isn't that something amazing? how much love you can feel for such a tiny little being? I don't know where I would be without her. and I'm truly clutching to the thought of my husband being home soon. this summer will go by fast, Terry will come home to us, and I WILL get through this. 

Losing the Baby Weight

the most asked question I get is "how did you lose the baby weight?! you look good!" 

well, I'm about to let you in on my best kept secret..... I wrap. and no, I don't mean the It Works wraps. 

now, this method only works if you are less than 10lb away from your goal/original weight. so don't go thinking you can make major results like with the It Works wraps; those results are ones you'll have to pay for. but you WILL lose the bloating and a little bit of the pudge.

now first, you need to keep hydrated. and I don't just mean 8 glasses of water or a water bottle here and there. you will need to drink all day. keep a gallon size water filled and sip on the water. this works best if you cut out other fluids like juices, soda, and milk as well.

now, once you've had your fill of water, go get a roll of clear Saran Wrap. suck in your gut a little bit and wrap the Saran Wrap TIGHTLY around your midsection. start at your hips and end just under the underwire/band of your bra.

leave this on for as long as you possibly can (I usually do it at night and leave it on til morning) while continuing to drink water. and when you take it off you'll notice most of your bloating has subsided.

WARNING: you WILL sweat excessively. and this will be uncomfortable to have the Saran Wrap wrapped so tightly. it's not meant to be comfortable, it's meant to help you lose an inch or two.

some friends of mine have been known to wrap underneath their workout clothes and go walking or running on the treadmill and on the bikes at the gym too. this has proven to have even more successful results.

I hope you enjoy your journey to a thinner, less bloated, healthier-looking you! 

What's in my Diaper Bag?

Sorry I've been slacking on my blog posts! Life with a newborn is definitely an adventure! but now that things have slowed down and I'm getting the hang of motherhood, I figured I'd start my blog posts back up again! and what better way to share my experiences than to help you all new mothers to be and maybe even some of you more seasoned mommas by sharing what I carry with me on a day to day basis and hopefully give some good reviews!

I am the proud owner of the JJ Cole Stone Gray Arbor Diaper Bag! I absolutely love this diaper bag! there's so much room and so many pockets for storage. the style is subtle and could even be pulled off as purse! the inside is waterproof and it even comes with a fold up travel changing insert!

Now on to what my magical bag of wonders holds!

1. Babyganics Foaming Hand Sanitizer

this hand sanitizer is organic, alcohol-free, hypoallergenic, and it doesn't have that harsh smell that regular sanitizer has! perfect to keep your hands smelling fresh and keep them clean at the same time!

2. Triple Paste Diaper Ointment

this stuff is awesome! I've used Desitin but nothing compares to Triple Paste! it's hypoallergenic, medicated, and has a very thick texture that gives an amazing barrier between baby's skin and the diaper itself. I usually apply a moderate layer that's pretty white and don't rub it in. by the time it's time to change her again it has somewhat absorbed into her skin and on the diaper and the irritated redness and swelling has completely gone! 

3. Nuk Tooth & Gum Wipes

these are perfect for when Shiloh decides to projectile spit her pacifier out of her mouth and onto the floor. I instantly whip out one of these and wipe it down after rinsing it under hot water before giving it back to her. they are also good for wiping her gums down to get rid of the thrush in her mouth.

4. Muslin Swaddle Blankets

I breastfeed Shiloh mainly; so I carry two Swaddle blankets with me at all times. one to wrap her in if she gets uncomfortable or cold. and one to use as a nursing cover while I feed her. they're perfect and lightweight and breatheable!

5. 15 Million Volt Takedown Tazer

I don't play games when it comes to my daughter and I's safety. Whenever I go out I always make sure I have my Tazer packed away so that if someone were to approach me that sketches me out or someone comes up behind me while loading or unloading her from the car, I can protect her and stop whoever is approaching us uninvited.

6. Tommie Tippie 5oz Baby Bottle

I mainly breastfeed but I also bring formula for supplementation on the off chance my milk production has slowed for the day or she doesn't get her fill when she cluster feeds. I love these bottles because they're lightweight, easy for her to drink from, and the nipple is similar to human anatomy so it isn't difficult for her to latch to.

7. Phillips Avent Pacifier

I love these! they're so easy for Shiloh to keep in her mouth and they're orthodontic approved!

8. Muslim Cloth Diapers

I don't use these as diapers. they're perfect to use as burp cloths or spit-up cloths! they're thick and absorbent, but they roll up nice and tight to be stowed away easily. they're also soft so baby doesn't mind having her face near them.

9. Bottled Water

Always make sure you carry bottled water for formula mixing or the off chance you're dying of thirst!

10. Formula Dispenser

these are awesome! you can portion out three different bottles and don't have to worry about lugging around a big can of formula in your bag to take up space.

11. Pampers Swaddlers

these are super absorbent, soft for baby's butt, and they have a line that tells you when baby is wet! they also have an elastic waistband to form to baby's unique shape! 

12. Pampers Sensitive Wipes

these wipes are perfect and lifesavers! thick and absorbent and have a nice fresh smell to them. they're made for sensitive skin which is awesome! and they don't rip when you wipe!

13. Safety 1st Healthcare & Grooming Kit

I carry shiloh's healthcare and grooming kit with me everywhere. it has band aids, a suction for her nose, baby nail files, a thermometer and so many more health safety and grooming items such as a brush and hair trimming scissors.

I absolutely would not go anywhere without all of these items fully stocked in my diaper bag. Don't make the mistake of doing so! Run out to your nearest Babies R Us and pick them up today! you won't be disappointed!

My First Week of Motherhood

I absolutely love being a mom.

every cry, every feeding, every dirty diaper, every hour without sleep.

In my first week of motherhood, I have learned this:

when I look into my beautiful little girl's big blue eyes, I know in my heart she's worth it all. I understand now what they mean by love at first sight. from the very second I laid eyes on her, I knew she was the most amazing little miracle God has ever blessed me with. 

I thank Terry every morning and every night for the most precious little gift I've ever been given. Shiloh IS my soul. her name is engraved in my heart and with every breath I breathe, I take it all in. I absolutely adore her with every beat of my heart. every minute spent, every little second is the most beautiful moment I've spent alive. because of Shiloh my life has been changed forever. and I wouldn't trade any of it for anything on this earth. 

I can't wait to watch this little girl grow and learn and live her beautiful little life with every ounce of happiness she can.

she is the reason why I smile now. she's my entire world and grows deeper and deeper into my heart every day that passes.

if you're blessed enough to experience motherhood, either now or in the past or even in the future, cherish it! it's truly the most beautiful adventure you'll ever embark on.

Q&A: Session Two

@the.illes.family.of.4:

 life without my husband being home is tough. understandably; because we haven't been apart for more than a day at a time for the past year and two months. but he's worth the struggles we face. I absolutely adore being a mom. I thought I would struggle with the sleep deprivation and the cries of a newborn; but I absolutely adore every minute of it. my life is exactly as I've always dreamed it should be. I love it. my daughter and my husband are my heart and soul. 

@dayswithdelaney: 

I love being a mom. it is the best thing that's ever happened in my life. I don't struggle with much. I struggled more during my pregnancy than I ever do now. I absolutely love this journey. it's been so rewarding.

@kendall_xoxo93:

being a new mom is soooo much better than the sickness and pain I felt throughout my pregnancy. I'm adjusting so well and so is she. she's such a happy little soul. and I absolutely love her. she's so sweet. 

@kaylemarisahood:

my labor was the exact opposite of what I expected it to be. I thought the pain was going to be ridiculous. my labor was soooo easy. my pregnancy pain towards the end of it was worse than labor pains were.